It's been awhile since I have had a chance to jot down what's been going on. The last 2 months have been up and down for me. When I 'm not struggling with pain, I have been trying to get some things done before I'm unable to get around again. Pain and long lost Lyme symptoms have increased. That was to be expected. The meds I have been on for 2 months now have been drawing the "cyst" form open which causes the symptoms to return. The doc. says November will be a rough one, but hopefully I will begin to turn a corner if I can stay on the meds. I have had alot of heart issues this last month. Things like "fluttering" or skipping beats, etc. The burning is back and I wake up from the firey sensations almost nightly. I traded in my insomnia for vivid and panic driven nightmares. (yee-haw! :) So I feel exhausted most of the time. Have had a hard time thinking and processing through a conversation. Pretty wiped out when I have had to be with people for any length of time. I have been on steroids since July. They have enabled me to get up out of bed and get around. I have had to decrease the dosage for alot of different reasons, but it looks like I will probably have to remain on them for the duration of my treatment to decrease the inflamation and pain. (By the way, I have to ask....why is it that when most people are on steroids they look like they should be on the cover of Muscle Magazine, but when I'm on them I look like a floatation devise? lol)
Anyway, Annie and Koty have been troopers. Both of them have had increased symptoms. Annie still struggles with nightmares, etc and her joints giving out on her. Koty has had to give up bike and scooter riding as his knees and ankles get easily pained from those activities. They both wrestle with the same burning sensations, migrains and general muscle pain. We have gotten good reports from school, so we've been very thankful that their ability to concentrate has not been too effected at this point.
A week or so ago, we received news that our Dr. will be closing her practice by the end of the year.....very long story. That leaves us almost back at the starting point of treatment. We know what we are dealing with of course, but finding a new doctor with the same philosophy and treatment plan gets a bit overwhelming. Our doc has reassured us that she will not hand us off without at least interviewing the next doc to see if they are on the same wavelength, etc. However, it has still been a hard blow right in the middle of treatment....again.
It's been a very trying couple of weeks for me personally. I'm not sure if we will have to start all over with a very different treatment, or even be able to get in to see a new doc before our meds are used up, which could cause more problems with getting treated properly, etc. There are moments when I am fine only to turn around and find myself weeping uncontrollably, wondering how can we keep going on like this? I know that God knows all things and that He is in complete control of our lives and of our entire treatment plan. It's just keeping my eyes fixed on that promise that can get hard to do sometimes. I find myself, yet again, surrending the plans and timelines that I have for my life and exchanging them for God's. Faith isn't faith until it has had the opportunity to be tested and tested again...and again and again, I'm finding. The lessons I have learned and continue to learn do not come easy nor come without great sacrifice, but I am so grateful that God has cared enough about me to give me the opportunity to learn them, and to begin to see Him for who He really is, not just what He can do for me.
Today I choose to claim this verse and ask that God continue to show us what HE is capable of doing....
"Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE abundantly BEYOND all that we ASK or THINK." Ephesians 3:20