Tuesday, May 26, 2009

May 26

It has been a long weekend. I spent Saturday with my mom in Jacksonville. We were able to meet with several people who have tested positive for Lyme disease. We were also able to connect with Dr. Clark, who has been studying Lyme for 15+ years. God directly answered my prayers for further confirmation through the info. we received from him about Lyme. I am still waiting for all of the tests to come back to Dr. Warner, my local Dr., before we have all of the details together, but it looks like I will probably be starting some sort of treatment soon. Not sure what it will entail...I know it can potentially be pretty intense. I had to sort through my feelings from Sat. (Mixed emotions). Glad to get some direction, but overwhelmed with how much more of the journey I still have left to go. Also realizing the worst is yet to come. From what I understand the treatment can be worse than the disease itself. However, if I don't get treated the disease will only get worse. I know people keep telling me, "Just buckle up and do it!" Although I know the concept is true..processing that and getting "in the zone" is still its own mental battle...especially when I am the one who has to live through it :). So, I appreciate your prayers...for physical healing, treatment as short as possible :), mental toughness and endurance and determination, and to constantly be thankful for all God has given me and blessed my life with. Also, please pray for my sweet family. I love each of them so dearly and I know that they are battling their own journey as well. It seems like this is the worst time possible for something like this....haha (as if there is ever a right and perfect time:), but I know God is not after convenience, but molding and making character. I'm so grateful to know that He always has my best interest in mind...even when it doesn't seem to make sense on my end of it.

"....you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you...." Is. 43:4b-5a

Leaving you with His thoughts today...No matter what you may be facing today, I pray that you will be encouraged!

Friday, May 22, 2009

May 22,

Two friends of mine sent me the same email on the same day...pretty interesting...it was after weeks of asking God to calm my fears about the treatment I may be going through here shortly for Lyme Disease and for confirmation that I am on the right road for answers. Both were answered through that email and what happened shortly after.
I read through the article thanking God for sweet thoughtful friends, for the mindblowing info, and for his continual faithfulness to meet me exactly where I am. This is an example of how He touches me so deeply and so personally sometimes...as I continued to read, I happened to glance at a picture of the Dr. who had put the info together and at the same time the thought crossed my mind..."Man, God it would be great if I could actually talk to a guy like this!" and instantly we saw his contact info. Of course my next thought was..."yeah, maybe we'll hear from him in 2 years if we're lucky!" Decided to contact him anyway....within 45 min. he returned the email and we began to correspond. (yep, my jaw dropped too!haha) Long story short...I am meeting with him and some others tomorrow afternoon.
Don't know what will come of it...but I do know, it's at these moments I really don't care. I am more enamored with my Savior and his love for me. That He cares enough about this whiner to calm me once again and reassure me that He has everything under control and that He CAN be trusted ...even when the uncertain storm rages around me.
So I continue to pray (beg mostly!:)...God, help me to remember your promises..especially when my memory has no "stickiness" to it anymore! and of course He leads me to this....

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs: 3:5-6

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

May 20th update

I received a call from my Dr. yesterday about some of my results. Spinal tap...no info on Lyme yet, but MS was negative..:) Still waiting on bloodwork from CA, a Lyme Speciality Center. The MRI that was done on my hips and pelvic area showed some fluid that they want to investigate further...it is not supposed to be there. I am scheduled to have a sonogram this week to let us know on that.
The last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. I have tried to sit down and write an update a couple of times, but have been so frustrated and discouraged. There are cycles that I go through where it is very difficult to find the right words to communicate and share my thoughts. It's as if there has been a disconnection in the processing area of my brain. It is hard to explain, but discouragement and despair seem to be my shadow during those times. I can understand what is being said to me, but I cannot communicate back effectively...like a stroke victim. Those moments are the hardest to keep up the desire to fight this thing. I used to run when I felt that frustrated, but now, because of the"phantom" (disease) I can barely walk and tensing my muscles from the frustration can leave me in severe pain for weeks if I'm not careful. Sometimes I think, or even yell in my head :), "God, how in the heck do you expect me to deal with this junk if I can't even relieve the stress without being in agony?!"
So, yesterday, in the middle of such a conversation, God, in His grace and mercy gave me a new perspective...
Pray that you will be a runner...one who runs to the Lord and does not run away from Him. One who does not run to the things of destruction, or from facing challenges, hard decisions, past or present hurts or fears. So, I am praying that God will be my strong tower and that I will find all the safety that I need in Him.

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous RUN to it and are safe."

I thought my running days were over, but I was wrong. God just wanted to showed me a new destination! :)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

5-3-09 Update

For those of you that are wondering..."what's up with this chick?" :)....

For 2 years now I have been battling all types of weird and unexplainable symptoms. It has been a long road, mentally and physically, but God continues to show light for each step of the way. I have been tested for just about everything under the sun and though most diseases have been ruled out "at this time" :)...Lymes Disease is still the only one that might explain ALL of my mysterious symptoms. I was treated in October for Lymes with a 6 week round of antibiotics, but after further study and diagnosis...we are being told that I will need a more intense and lengthy treatment. So...at this point, I am waiting for spinal tap results, getting ready for another round of MRI's on my hips, and more bloodwork from a Lymes Specialty Center in CA. I have been told that there is a very good chance that all of these tests could continue to be "ify". So I will need to decide on whether I want to go through with the intense treament for Lymes without a 100% positive diagnosis.

I have appreciated your thoughts and prayers so much. I'm not sure what the future holds for me...but I am so thankful and humbled by WHO holds it.

"For I know the plans that I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11