I received a call from my Dr. yesterday about some of my results. Spinal tap...no info on Lyme yet, but MS was negative..:) Still waiting on bloodwork from CA, a Lyme Speciality Center. The MRI that was done on my hips and pelvic area showed some fluid that they want to investigate further...it is not supposed to be there. I am scheduled to have a sonogram this week to let us know on that.
The last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. I have tried to sit down and write an update a couple of times, but have been so frustrated and discouraged. There are cycles that I go through where it is very difficult to find the right words to communicate and share my thoughts. It's as if there has been a disconnection in the processing area of my brain. It is hard to explain, but discouragement and despair seem to be my shadow during those times. I can understand what is being said to me, but I cannot communicate back effectively...like a stroke victim. Those moments are the hardest to keep up the desire to fight this thing. I used to run when I felt that frustrated, but now, because of the"phantom" (disease) I can barely walk and tensing my muscles from the frustration can leave me in severe pain for weeks if I'm not careful. Sometimes I think, or even yell in my head :), "God, how in the heck do you expect me to deal with this junk if I can't even relieve the stress without being in agony?!"
So, yesterday, in the middle of such a conversation, God, in His grace and mercy gave me a new perspective...
Pray that you will be a runner...one who runs to the Lord and does not run away from Him. One who does not run to the things of destruction, or from facing challenges, hard decisions, past or present hurts or fears. So, I am praying that God will be my strong tower and that I will find all the safety that I need in Him.
Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous RUN to it and are safe."
I thought my running days were over, but I was wrong. God just wanted to showed me a new destination! :)