I received a call from my Dr. yesterday about some of my results. Spinal tap...no info on Lyme yet, but MS was negative..:) Still waiting on bloodwork from CA, a Lyme Speciality Center. The MRI that was done on my hips and pelvic area showed some fluid that they want to investigate further...it is not supposed to be there. I am scheduled to have a sonogram this week to let us know on that.
The last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. I have tried to sit down and write an update a couple of times, but have been so frustrated and discouraged. There are cycles that I go through where it is very difficult to find the right words to communicate and share my thoughts. It's as if there has been a disconnection in the processing area of my brain. It is hard to explain, but discouragement and despair seem to be my shadow during those times. I can understand what is being said to me, but I cannot communicate back effectively...like a stroke victim. Those moments are the hardest to keep up the desire to fight this thing. I used to run when I felt that frustrated, but now, because of the"phantom" (disease) I can barely walk and tensing my muscles from the frustration can leave me in severe pain for weeks if I'm not careful. Sometimes I think, or even yell in my head :), "God, how in the heck do you expect me to deal with this junk if I can't even relieve the stress without being in agony?!"
So, yesterday, in the middle of such a conversation, God, in His grace and mercy gave me a new perspective...
Pray that you will be a runner...one who runs to the Lord and does not run away from Him. One who does not run to the things of destruction, or from facing challenges, hard decisions, past or present hurts or fears. So, I am praying that God will be my strong tower and that I will find all the safety that I need in Him.
Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous RUN to it and are safe."
I thought my running days were over, but I was wrong. God just wanted to showed me a new destination! :)
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Hi Tammy, Your comments are so very, very sweet and such an inspiration. It is truely amazing how God knows us so well as to what to bring into our lives to draw us so close to Him, to Abide in him and only Him. If I can just keep "abiding" in Him daily. To stay broken before Him in humility and thankfullness for all He is doing and wants to do in my life. I pray that my sorrows and suffering will only manifest the true love of Christ to others in sharing others burdens. I love you and am praying for you and weep with you in your seeking His face only. Love you dear, Aunt Beck.
ReplyDeleteHello my dear Sister in Christ, just want you to know that I've had you in my mind all this week. How I know exactly what you are feeling. Been in bed all week and just slept. Not that its encouraging at all but I tell myself everyday, "it's a new day" and take a step forward. I love you and I am here for you. I am so happy that your in my life because you give me strength when I'm weak, you give me motivation when I am down, you give me love when I feel alone, you shine God's love when I don't see or hear him. Our race will be over soon, I see the finish line, we just got to keep training to get stronger to cross over it. Love you!! Lina
ReplyDeleteTammy - what lovely thoughts you have "Running" around in that disconnected brain of yours - if only all our thoughts could be that focused! I am praying for you and your battle and I know our God only gives us what we are capable of handling - by the looks of things he must have known you were a pretty strong chick!! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words....they literally breathe life!! You all are such an inspiration to me..thanks for taking the time to write!
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