It's been a long hard couple of weeks. It seems like everyday brings a new battle to fight, whether its physical, mental or emotional. In the midst of it all, God's grace and God's grace alone, continues to carry me and give me the strength, patience, endurance and grace I need, and exactly when I need it.
Overall, I am beginning to feel a little stronger. I was able to walk without my cane several days in a row again, though still limping and fighting off pain in my hips and legs. Also, to my great surprise, I was able to hold my grandniece, Bella, on my lap the other day with no pain (first time since she was born), go to the hair salon and sit in the backward seat where you get your hair washed, and then hold my own son Koty on my lap without pain...(first time in over 2years!) Pretty substantial for me...I really had to hold back the tears...and not from pain! Yeah!!:) And literally cherish the closeness and sweetness of precious moments like this that God gives us, but that so many times we take for granted.
I have had some pretty rough days with swollen feet and hands and migrains too. But for the most part they seem to be subsiding along with the burning sensations in my neck and arms. Probably the most frustrating symptom I have had to deal with the last 2 weeks has been the inability to communicate. Sometimes I am simply too exhausted to even follow a thought. I have trouble remembering words and find myself withdrawing from conversations because it has been just too difficult and frustrating to participate. Sometimes that is fine with me because I am so tired and because I actually do like my quiet time, but I have been trying to take advantage of the last couple of times I will be able to be with some of my fellow patients. This week marks recovery for some of them, which I am so thankful for! (They have had it pretty rough.) Tuesday, one of my favorite people will be getting his pickline out. Although I am so glad for his recovery, I will miss his sense of humor and his sweet and tender spirit. He has truly been a Godsend for me...and God has used him to prove that laughter really is good medicine..especially in the most difficult of circumstances.:)
Also, I have been so thankful for my kids. They continually remind me that life is not a destination, but a journey. Healed or not, I don't want to waste what I have been given. And I also don't want to just be focused on that one aspect of life...to be healed. It will happen, whether it is here or heaven. So until that happens, I want to be focused on taking advantage of every moment that God has given me to be a tool that God uses to transform lives that He places in my life. There is so much more to life than simply going through the motions! I am so thankful that He continues to reveal that to me on a daily basis.