Tuesday, June 9, 2009

June 9

The last couple of days seemed to be a little emtional for me. I guess just wrestling the fear and uncertainty again. Going into this treatment with a 50/50 diagnosis and treatment plan can be a little stressful at times. After talking to God again about all of the unknowns, my feelings, etc. I came across this verse:

"From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Ps. 61:2-3

Man, I am so thankful for details. I am detailed most of the time anyway, especially in my work, but in my most desperate moments, when I feel hope slipping away from me...the details that God includes in His promises are literally life for me. They are a firm hold that keep me from losing ground and slipping.

"The ends of the earth" speaks of regions we would never willingly go. (Whether that region might be suffering, depression, blasted hopes, you name it). However, at some point in the course of our lives, we all find ourselves "at the ends of the earth" And even "as" my heart grows faint- (not "if", but"as") - somehow reassures me that I 'm not a freak or a loser for finding myself in this spot (again). It's part of being in that region...when I'm overwhelmed, my senses may be numb, I am spiritually and physically exhausted, I feel battered, bruised, alone. God seems so far away, like he doesn't hear or respond to anything I am asking, sometimes begging for, and I feel like giving up, like throwing in the towel. But, in those times that my heart is so low and I feel so weak and depleted that I can't even drag myself to that High Rock, we can ask the Rock to come to us. Then He will take us by our weary hands and lead us to Himself. Isn't that great? Even when I am too weak and overwhelmed to come to Him, He will come to me! So that's the promise that I took hold of today and was refreshed by, no matter what is to come this week...God is my Rock, my refuge and my strength.

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