Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I have been having problems sleeping for the last 2 weeks. I wake up with severe night sweats and burning sensations. Lots of feeling of swelling in hands and feet. Sometimes I even wake from "inner" trembling. It feels like my whole body is shaking uncontrollably on the inside, but on the outside it is unnoticeable. Severe stomach pains can happen too, usually in the middle of the night and it is hard to get back to sleep. So I have spent alot of a.m time reading and listening to podcasts or praying. I was a kinda sad when i showed up at the doc's and realized I have gained 20 lbs.! ugh! (I think my body has had an easier time with digestion, so I have been eating some things i haven't been able to before.:) ...I'm choosing to look at this as a good thing! haha

Anyway..I went to the Dr. and he asked me if I was noticing any difference. I felt like I have had less pain overall and have been more flexible and have a wider range of motion. (Honestly, I was kind of nervous as I was talking...hoping I wasn't just "thinking postively", or even desperately..but rather hoping that my body was actually responding to the treatment.)

He let me know that was good news and wanted to ask before he gave me the bloodwork results, just to make sure I was seeing the results as well. The bloodwork showed that the inflamation and infection has gone down somewhat...not too much and not too quickly, but something seems to be happening. (Yeah!!!) I literally choked back the tears and tried not to just start bawling! ..It was a good thing! :) i guess in that moment, I felt like God allowed me to be assured of His presence in a small but mighty way (that His hand is in fact entwined with mine), by simply showing me a glimpse of light and hope. His direction is revealed that way many times in my life. Though I feel like I walk in the dark for so long, wondering where exactly He is, or feeling myself groping around just trying to find my way in the right direction or a direction at all..the truth of the matter is, ..no matter how I FEEL...He IS always there. He waits for me to set patterns in my life, determining in my heart to stay close to Him and to trust Him ...no matter what..no matter if plans go my way...or not. Usually then and only then, He steps in to show me a "light" by revealing Himself, His ways, or His direction. That's what I recieved the other day..one of those moments of truth, which gives me the strength to carry on, even when all the details are not yet figured out.
I love this statement from Chuck Swindol, " God has entrusted to us a great deal. He knows that we can do all things by His grace, so He's trusting in us to trust in Him." I pray I will continue to prove myself faithful in that as I continue on my journey.

No comments:

Post a Comment