This is the first week of school for my youngest son. It has been a pretty good week so far. Drop off and goodbye's have been positive and smooth. Then today happened....:) We walked in on time and in good spirits....and then "wham" all of a sudden everything changed. My very confident and layed back son became nervous and apprehensive as I felt him reach out and grab (maybe desperately clutch is a better description :) hold of my legs. I leaned down and with my face next to his asked what was wrong. He responded with a very calm and serious explanation..."I like school mom, but I've decided I'm going to stay home with you now."
It didn't take me long to realize what he had been "confronted" with. It was at his eye level, about 2 inches from his face and his eyes were locked onto "the target". Due to all of the commotion of drop off time at a preschool classroom, I didn't notice right off the bat, but Koty couldn't miss it. The "it" was a cute little girl, whose eyes were full of tears, lips were quivering with emotion and snot was strung across her face. (Don't you just love preschool kids...ha..they just live out loud...they don't give a rip what they look like...they are only consumed with how they feel in moments like these!:) When I looked at her and gave her a comforting smile, she opened her mouth to let out a big wail. Koty's grip tightened around my neck and I heard him whisper, "I'm ready when you are mom."
As one of the teachers came around the little girl with a face full of kindess and reassurance, I turned Koty to look at me and reminded him that everything was going to be ok and he was going to have a great day. He closed his eyes and threw his arms around me. I squeezed him tight and said,
"I love you Koty, and I promise I will be back in just a little while to get you." He opened his eyes and looked up at me. Doubt clouded his expression as he turned to look again at the little girl. I reached out and pulled him close and gave him another reassuring hug. When I stood up and looked around the room, it was easy for me to have a birds eye view of the room. I could see what was on the other side of the "distraction". So I firmly pressed Koty's hand into mine, winked at him and said,"I love you Buddy...trust me." Then I pulled him over to another area away from "the distraction". Immediatedly he saw a couple of other little boys sitting down and playing and having fun. A smile slowly crept across his face. He looked up and said, "Ok mom, but I'll miss you alot today," glancing back over his shoulder. As I agreed that I would miss him "loads" too, we said our goodbyes.
As I walked out, I was reminded of my own doubting moments. When all I can see (and feel) is what is right in front of me. I don't have the strength or understanding to look around the chaos of the moment to see what is on the other side. I'm simply "frozen" by my surroundings. How many times does God ask me to trust Him and I look at Him, wanting to believe, but have a hard time of shrugging off the doubt. The vital thing is that I not let go of Him, even when I am tempted to doubt. To follow His lead and stay close to Him...and in the process He will show me the other side and I am once again humbled, because I know that He can see things and places I cannot. He WILL lead me and guide me...I simply have to choose to trust.
I don't know what I would do without my kids....God uses them to teach me lessons about myself everyday. I'm still a work in progress.